Everyone always asks me why I do this to myself and i always say "There are plenty of reasons" and now, I'mgoing to tell you all so listen up because this will be the first and last time i am going to say this.
First of all I want you to all relize that i do notdo thisfor fun or for attention. My first reason for doing this is that abusing myself in such matter is my way of coping with stress. It takes the edge off of the stress and relaxes me. For example say something that triggers my 'behavior' (as some might call it) happens. I only do this so that it will make me feel stronger instead of crying or complaining to ppl about it. It makes me feel, stronger or better, relaxing.
Since the first reason isn't really a reason mor like an introduction i can promise that the second reason will be more of a, well, reason. Another reason i do this is because i have to live with a jackass of a father and a mother that is afraid to leave him because she fears she will not be able to support us. My Father, is a total ass he is stupid and, like all men, thinks that he is invinseble. For example my father does drugs, has cheated on my mom twice before and can not keep a steady job for more than a couple of months. Basically he is a first class loser and everytime he does something wrong i have to hear my mother complain to me about it. And on thing that i hate is how i am compared to him whether it be that i lie alot of or the fact that i as well as my dad can not keep a promise. No matter how you put it the loser is always bumming aroud the house always being lazy and watching TV or on the phone making drug calls. Fiurst off he does drugs if you think i am lieing, i want you to stop reading this close ur eyes and ask urself why would a 15 year old girl lie about her father being on drugs??? and then u may keep reading but then a gain if u truely think anyone in the right state of mind would lie about somethinglike this you might as well stop reading my blog all together and do something more productive with your free time. Okay so back to the drugs, my dad might not smoke pot or shoot up but poping pills can still affect youthe same way. I already figured out what kinds he asks for while talking on the phone to the ppl he calls 'friends' basically he either asks for two 932's or twenty-seven zantac (that is probly spent wrong so dont qoute3 me on that) I can always tell when he is drugged up or when he is going to do a 'pick up'. It is like clock work the phone rings everyday aaround 5:30 amnd he leaves and everytime my mom asks him where he has been he always says "I went for a ride around the block." The cheating on my mom is what made him leave about 4 weeks before christsmas last year but the first time was much worse he left for more than a week and the funny thing is he always screws up around Christmas. I could care less about whenhe does his little sd=crew ups but i don't want my now 13 year old sister and 8 year old brother to see what he is doing and think that this is alright. The point of the whole invinsibility thing is that he is so sure that he wont get caught even on probation from staeling at his last job(UPS) he is not afriad maybe one day some one will give him something to be scared about.
well speaking of the devil he has just came home from a ride (that my mom had to give him because dude no longer has a car cuz he didnt pay for it). Well this ride was not a 'pick up' and ino that 4sure because he came home with a cat my cat piper we just goit him now so that mnade my day. but speaking of not paying forbills and such the reason we always move would be a good subjet to ride on.....
HOuse # 1: Frank st. We lived here the longest, From before i was born till i was in the 4th grade. (btw this is my most favorable house.) We had to move out of this house because the landlord had friends living with him downstairs and they were smoking pot which is one of the worst smells when you are 9 years old. The move was reasonable i guess. well it was good we moved because a month after the move there was a drug rade at that house.
House #2: Plymoth st. This was the first house that my parents bought. I loved this house too, just not as much as the first. Okay so we lived in this house for the second longest that i have ever lived in a house 2 years. the reason for the move was because we could not afford the morgadge but see before we had filed for bankrupt and let the bank take over the house our last tenenant, with the names of noel and mindy told us 'because you evicted us u will end up living on the streets and loose every thing and blah blah blah' the point is that dude was half right, we lost almost everthing almost.
House #3 Hawthorn st. yes not very far at all from the last one one street up and 5 blocks down. the most embarrising thing about losing the last house was that they had auctioned it off in the news paper. but this next house was a duplex (for those that dont no what that means please save ur energy from asking me and look it up urself.) really nice house and stuff but the landlord was well, a bitch. shewent in our attic and told us that we had to get ride of all the boxes because we would get mice and stuff like that. well sooner or later, we were evicted for not paying the rent.
House #4 Bolton st. personaly i absolutly hated this house.long story short we were evicted for not paying the rent.
House #5 Winsper st. ahhh really not my cup of tea. I wasnt too into this house we didnt live here too long cus we didnt pay the rent and apparrently we were never wanted tolive there anyways.
House #6 Allen st. my current residence. I actually like this place so far so good but i have a feeling wewill be moving around the end of the summer and i could put money on that. no lie.
Well there are deffinetly more houses to come. and i no that u r all getting bored of me and this is why i bottle stuff up and cut myself instead of rant because then i sound like a baby and a loser. But whatever.
Well i g2g so i will see you all ltr......
Oh snapp that's right it's 704!!
